Flutters

So I'm 17 1/2 weeks.  For the past week I've been patiently and intently paying attention to my belly, waiting for those first movements.  I've thought I've felt a few, but honestly, it could have been gas.  :)  Just because this is the third doesn't mean it feels the same.  Last night, however, I know that I was finally feeling baby for sure.  This is my favourite thing about being pregnant--the movement.  I want to walk around all day with a secret smile on my face because this little human and I are connecting.   Though the positive pregnancy test gives knowledge to the head, the flutters, the heartbeat, and the ultrasound give knowledge to the heart.  It's real before these things, but hearing the baby's heartbeat for the first time is an amazing experience.  With the Princess I heard it at 7 weeks because of the early ultrasound, with Bubba I heard it at 10 weeks, but this one I had to wait until 14 weeks.  With the Princess I felt movement at 18 weeks at a CM retreat at the Lakes, with Bubba I was 16 weeks and we were in Omaha, and this one finally at 17 1/2 weeks.  There's nothing like these first flutters.  I treasure them and will hold them tightly in my heart.  These first flutters are mine and mine alone as their mother.  Later kicks are big enough for others to feel, but these are my first real moments with my children.  I love you, sweet children.

Party Time!!!

Last night I successfully hosted a party.  Wow.  I never consider myself a great hostess--always worry about guests having fun.  After having actually won a Free Flavour Friday event from Coffee-mate, I had to just do regardless of my insecurities.  And I had a blast. I wanted to invite so many people, but it turned out perfect with the number who were able to come.  Ok, so one couple (good friends) didn't catch the time right and were half an hour early and I hadn't even showered yet--didn't even a bra on yet!  But they just laughed and chatted with my sweet husband while I got ready, which I did in record time.  One couple had to leave early because he works for the DOT and had to go out and clear roads. 

All in all, however, it was a great night.  Didn't use the poker set that came with the kit, but we played Catch Phrase and Cranium.  It was nice to sit and visit over coffee when the games were done, and the kids did pretty well playing on their own.  I felt really good at the end of the night when Christi and Ethan shared that this was the ONLY non-church invitation they had had in four years--I suppose the hazards of being a pastor, but I was glad I had invited them and that they had been able to come.  It was a good night.  Makes me want to win another event!!!  (the only downside to the evening--Bubba decided to use the toilet on his own since I was busy, which is OK, but one time he completely missed the target and I had to mop the floor and change him in the middle of Cranium!!!! Oh, my little guy.  Love you, Bubba.)

Goodbye, Mardell

Last week Tuesday I got a call from Melody, telling my that my former landlady (her mother) wasn't doing very well.  In fact, after a long battle with a muscle problem in her diaphragm and another stint in the hospital for fluid on her lungs, they made the painful decision to change her care to hospice care.  Mardell was 79.  Melody's words were "It might be days, it might be weeks. . . "  Not wanting to have missed my opportunity, I went up last Tuesday and got to spend a lovely hour plus, just Mardell and I.  We talked.  We remembered.  She made me laugh with her feisty observation that one of the aids was a **tch.  :)  Lots of hugs, lots of kisses.  And I said goodbye.  She knew that if this baby is a girl that its middle name will be Mardell.  Monday, January 31st, at about 9:30 am, Mardell was done.  Melody called me at noon to tell me.  Sue had already called to warn me that Melody would probably be calling as Jordan had left school after talking to Terry. 

Funeral is tomorrow.  Stu and I will go.  The kids will stay with Michelle.  I hate goodbyes.  I'm just thankful for the time I had with her last week.

Some of my favourite memories of her are of our times outside on the patio together and our times going to Weight Watchers together.  She made me laugh so much.  I loved her like a grandma.  I wish we would have gone up to visit more often, but I am  glad the four of us made the trip to see her before we left for England.  I will miss her, and I will treasure my memories of her.

Goodbye, sweet Mardell. 

Catching up on life

So, I started this as a way to keep track of our lives, since I had lagged behind on my paper-pen version of my daily record.  Now I log in and realize I haven't written since November.  Not so good, huh?  Today will remedy that.  Since my last entry, we have:

• been to England and back
• celebrated Christmas
• (I have) finished with two classes and begun another
• planned a party at our house because I actually won a free party thing from CoffeeMate (but have yet to receive the package)
• announced that we are expecting T3

There are probably other things, but that is generally the list of the major things.  Our travels were somewhat of a fiasco, but not terrible.  Due to rescheduling, Bubba somehow got separated from our ticket locater number and we had several minutes of panic until someone at the US Delta assured us he was still booked for the return flights, but that he just had a different number.  Though it took us a little longer at check-in at Teeside, our helpful friend Benjamin, with the help of his trusty supervisor Ann, were able to get us all of our boarding passes without too much trouble (though it did take him 30 minutes).  Our first flight was VERY turbulent, and I was nearly in tears.  I will put it down to being pregnant and tired.  Stu and I agreed that the pilot earned every penny he made on that flight, especially as he came in for landing.  Other than that, the only other kerfuffle was that Bubba didn't get his child's meal on the international flight, despite having requested it.  That was minor.  Everything else went fairly smoothly--kids did as well as could be expected.  We spent the night in Omaha and drove back Sunday morning.  It was good to be home--which we were, by about noon on the 9th.

Our time in England was good--good to see family.  Took trains to the Metro centre in Newcastle and to York, rode the bus multiple times, took several taxis.  Kids loved the public transportation.  :)  Even adding up all the fares, I'm sure it was less expensive that renting a car as the price of petrol was quite high and continued to go up while we were there.

The other important thing we did was tell the family that we were expecting #3.  They were all expecting the announcement--guess they realized how serious I was about wanting one more and were just waiting for the announcement.  With them told, we felt OK telling people when we came back.  We had told my parents before we left (and had told the kids just before they arrived).  The kids are excited.  They want to talk to the baby and watch the iPod movies I have from BabyCenter.  Last Friday they came to my appointment with me and  got to hear the heartbeat.  It took awhile to find, which panicked me a little, but Becky found it--upper 140s to her best guess (the kids were talking and she had a hard time keeping it).  The important thing, however, is that I got to hear that fast, steady beat.  Now, just waiting for that first flutter.

Other things I wanted to record before I forget are some of the funny things the kids say.  The Princess keeps telling me that she is trying to "get the heck of"--what she means is "get the hang of."  She is also having trouble with her "l" sounds at the end of words.  So "small" becomes "smog"--she can say the sound if it's internal, but we'll have to work on the end sounds.  Bubba says "kepkep" for ketchup, and there are others that I just can't think of now.  Princess calls lip balm "lip glob."  Funny kid.

I think that generally updates things.  I have already written about Bubba's solo potty training, which he continues to be successful with, even through the nights.  In fact now he generally wakes up and comes get us when he needs to go.  Princess is insisting that she does not want to go to school next year--she wants me to school her at home.  We'll see about that.  I think she needs to go, though I'll miss her terribly.

So life continues.  We move on--we live and breathe.  We love.

T3 and T-3.5

We leave for England in less than four weeks.  I should be incredibly excited, but I'm just nervous about the travel.  Once we get there I'll have a great time and be happy about being there, but the anticipation is killer.  I just want things to go smoothly.  No delays, no problems at security.  Easy trip.  No problems with weather and driving.  Just so many possibilities for things to go wrong.  So I need to be positive.  Quell the fears and not worry so much.  Everything will be fine.  It will be what it will. I just want it to be a smooth experience for both kids.

As for T3, things seem fine.  Food is a bit of an effort, but that shouldn't last too long based on past experience.  I'm nervous about all of this, too.  Tired--no exhausted.  I'm sure it will all work out.  Little late, but there you go.  God has a plan. Even for an old, decrepit girl like me.  (this, according to Elspeth, who last week told me "Mom, when you're old and decrepit, I'll take care of you."  Took me ages to figure out that she had actually said the word decrepit.  Gotta love her.)

safety and locked doors

Little M is safe and secure, and both our girls are back with us today.  And I've locked all the doors.  Am I afraid?  Not really, but how to explain to my girl that she can't open the door to people she knows and recognizes?  A little hard.  I don't want her to fear for her safety, but I can't have her let anyone in without my consent--by law.

Crazy?  Yes.  Never imagined I'd be in a situation like this.  All I can say is that I love my incredible, gentle, honest husband.  I am so fortunate. 

how to lie to your children--and feel bad doing it

I've recently been put in the position of having to tell my children an untruth--to protect them from the ugliness of the world.  I don't like it.  I am usually very honest and open with my kids, but how do you explain violence to a four and two year-old?  How do I tell them my heart is heavy for my friend and their friends without tainting their world?  I don't know.  But my heart is heavy.  And I fear for my friend.  I hurt for her.  Someday, I will tell my children about people who bully others because it gives them a feeling of power.  I try to show my children the importance of respect for everyone.  I teach them to love as Christ commanded, to say sorry, to forgive, and to forget wrongs.  I try to teach them to stand up for themselves.  I hope it's enough. 

Be safe, my friend.  Be safe, little M and little A.  Be safe, big M.